our salary hasn’t arrived yet. i only got 50 centavos left on my pocket. can’t go home to negros. heck, can’t even go home to my aunt’s house. i have a recurring LBM and i feel so empty.
god, could it get any worse than this?
i need a sign that there is that light at the very end of this tunnel. is that asking too much?
4. Guilt. Emotional manipulators are excellent guilt mongers. They can make you feel guilty for speaking up or not speaking up, for being emotional or not being emotional enough, for giving and caring, or for not giving and caring enough. Any thing is fair game and open to guilt with an emotional manipulator. Emotional manipulators seldom express their needs or desires openly – they get what they want through emotional manipulation. Guilt is not the only form of this but it is a potent one. Most of us are pretty conditioned to do whatever is necessary to reduce our feelings of guilt. Another powerful emotion that is used is sympathy. An emotional manipulator is a great victim. They inspire a profound sense of needing to support, care for and nurture.
[Source]
(…or how i spent christmas)
i should get a reward for having the most entries written in a post-xmas day. yeah, for once in my life, i’m being constructive. isn’t that something!?i have simply so much time to kill and so many thoughts to pour. i need some discreet therapy to get moving but whatever.
christmas was spent with my relatives, my aunt’s to be specific. went to mass at around 9PM then had noche buena with my cousins afterwards. had a talk with a ghost from the past(with much begging as if it was a matter of life and death) and a melodrama ensued. after much pleading from my side, she said things can never be healed as it is and what’s done is done. after i put down the phone i remembered a quote from a book i read a long time ago by milan kundera. “ permanently protuberant, its inanity irreparable“, at this point i could care less about philosophy and eternal recurrence but i am too horrified at the prospect of redundant failures.
so the promise of flooding beer like a manna from heaven was the buzzword earlier that night by neighbors. but i was too depressed to mingle and instead took a few shots and then went straight to slumberland while the customised boombox was blaring outside.
im hoping next year will be better. happy bday papa jesus.
my colleague said the xmas party last saturday on our office was killer and i missed some fragment of my life because i was at home making a beeline for the sheets. there were beers, food, games, videoke, barhopping, etc.
yeah, story of my life.
he should write my biography.
everyone is enjoying their time off, getting fat and ripe with the season while i’m stuck here at the office with nothing to do but stare at the monitor and listen to songs about cruel girls i could never meet.
currently, my life is too woody allen-esque. i could never think of a better term to describe it. full of grief, longing, restlessness and the whole enchillada, while the side dish is a bowl of black humor. oh well.
a not-so-famous bloke once said, “Sometimes, LOVE is all we need”. sorry, but i must disagree. PAIN is what we really need. I can imagine your eyeballs doing the rollercoaster, but hey, listen to reason for a sec. Pain is what we need to realize our strength. Pain is the big hand of truth that slaps you back into reality…or whatever that is you call home. So, hello pain!
screw the last post. im going back, here. i’d rather be private for now.
now where’s the remote?
sorry folks. i moved out again.
phew! looks like i’ll be cyber-squating forever.
atleast with my new home i can host ads and get rich…*sinister laugh follows*
is it just me or does everyone feel the voidness of local TV these days?
…or probably i’m just sad coz those hilarious million-pesos-worth political ads are out.
and by the way, i didn’t vote. WHAT FCKING FOR??
—-
eksena.net has been running in-and-out sporadically starting yesterday. must be server hiccups all over again. the site’s hosting is for free so i can’t really complain, i just wish this will be fixed really soon.
so basically after 2 years of web existence doing reviews bashing and adoring crappy bands, artists and what-have-yous, NotQuiteIndie is now a thing of the past. it’s official. no more webzine.
we decided to let it die mainly due to 2 facts a) dexter has just been recently signed into a corporate grind while b) i now have a kid and a family to feed. so basically none of us are that “free” anymore. suffice it to say, both of us got lazy and moved on with our lives.
p.s.: we(nqi team) are still exploring the possibility of doing a brand new zine. new concept, new moniker, new everything, the works. if u must know i am somewhat busy with my sidething called eksena. it’s basically nqi in a smaller scale.
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