unfathomable.

eversince “it” happened, i’ve been waiting for that proverbial flashing “sign” from God or some cosmic diety to wake me up on my deep emotional slumber. but to my disappointment, it never arrived. yesterday, i had an epiphany, a sudden bolt of realization so strong it required me to ponder on it the whole afternoon(well, i was on my trip back to Cebu, so it still counts). i made a silent mental jousting with “reason” and “consequence” and came to a conclusion that perhaps the “no sign” was the “sign” itself manifested. it’s a cosmic pat on the back that says, “hey you’ll be alright without her” or “it’s ok to let go now”. (it’s quite hard to explain and i have no obligation to do so, so go figure.)

that whole feeling of waiting sickens me and “hate” is a very mild world to describe it. i’m sick of being restless and hopeful over something i can never control. when she said, “time to move on now,” i thought she was just being discreet and unraveling discreetness is something i’m not good at. but then again maybe i never got over that “denial” stage and alas! how comforting it is to finally let go.

so that flash of epiphany i had yesterday was something i’ve been waiting for the longest time. that certainly explains a lot now and the view is more clearer from up above.